Limbo

So my time in San Jose is coming to an end. I keep hearing how the paper would love to keep me but the budget just won't allow it. i know they are telling the truth but I can't help but think that if I was a CPOY winner or wanted by the NY times, maybe they would bite the bullet cause they cannot live without me. I can't let these thoughts seep too far into my brain because I know that thoughts can be a powerful thing which can create something that necessarily did not even exist at first. I can make it real. I mean life really is just mearly perceptions right? What I perceive as reality you might see as fiction and your reality or experience can be something totally different than what I experienced. So on that note I don't want to shoot myself in the foot by believing that I am just some mediocre photographer cause I don't feel mediocre. I feel special and that I have something different entirely to say than other photographers before me. I have to have something different to say since my reality is completely different from yours. We will see what my future has in store for me. Soon it won't be my future anyomre, but my present and then my past. But there is always a begininning to something whether it be the first day I walked or the first day of death.



So on my day off I went to the Raiders game in Oakland with Jim and Nhat. It was a lot of fun. I had a good time. I saw Rasheed Wallace from the Detroit Pistons. I don't know what he was doing in Oakland, but I see it an omen. An omen for better things to come. What they are I can not say. Oakland fans are crazy. I watched this one fan try to spit on this photographer. It was this big nasty luggy too and he was just letting it hang out of his mouth inches from her hair. It was so gross. Then he grabbed her strap of her camera. I have never heard a whole stadium chant bullshit after the referees called back a touchdown for the second time because of flag penalities. It was crazy. The fan experience was a big part of the atomsphere and what really made the game fun.



Afterwards, Nhat, Jim and I went and had dinner at In and Out burger. It was so good. I am going to miss in and out burger. I have to take my Dad when he gets here. He will like it cause it will remind him of back in the day in Cincinnati. I met a photographer from Kansas City Star and he told me that they are on a hiring freeze, which explains why i have not heard anything from Joe Ledford. Richard is making a diary journal of my time here at the mercury news. he is so sweet. He is a really hard worker and now he is venturing out into the multimedia world. I would like to stay and he thought I was, but it turns out that I am not. well if anything everyone is been so helpful that I will not forget any of them. It could have been totally different. i think I have been so lucky when it comes to staffs. I mean Detroit was nice, but the merc where even nicer. Its hard to believe. Maybe I will be a sports photog one day. thats hard to believe. :0)