Wait Till the Chickens Get a hold of your meat

There is a pile of clothes sitting on top of my bed from a day of washing clothes. I really have done nothing productive today to my standards. The goals I set out for myself I did not accomplish just because I didn't want to do them. Sometimes I like to disobey myself, cause really I can't get away with being obstinate with anyone else anymore now that I am an adult. Now that I have my first job in my career as a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, I can't live in this fantasy world anymore. But I sure am tired of reality. Its boring to say the least.



This is the photo that defined my internship and probably got me the job at Detroit. I love it and I love how one of my wild ideas actually worked this time successfully artistically and journalistically. It was a happy marriage that doesn't always happen. Most of the time the photo is really interesting, but the journalistic content is lacking. or the other way around. I am proud of this picture, but I would not call it my favorite. Its like I always have to prove how profound I am and different my mind works cause I am an "artiste!" Whatever. Who knows what the hell I am. I am just a person for all I know with feelings. When I watch TV I feel like I can do whatever they are doing as good as they are doing it. I could be America's Top Model (in my head) and I would have made the band in Diddy's Making the Band 3. That one might be more realistic, maybe. But I have fun playing these characters in mind. I am on such a vacation from life. I don't feel really career driven right now, maybe that's because I have conquered getting the job. Now I am on a quest for knowledge of life. Of who I am, versus who I see myself as.



I am waiting for that direction. Whenever I get like this I listen to complaint rock like Tori amos, who I am listening to right now. My brother is completely pissing me off right now. I feel like I should put is crap on blast, but I won't do that. But I will say its not some stupid sibling rivalry thing that I am upset about. I am upset because it looks like he is becoming something that I do not like. A man! He lies. He cheats. He steals, He sleeps around. And he only thinks of himself. What happened? He was doing so well. I think things changed for the worst when he felt jilted by his mother. If her method of raising children is to disappoint them until they can not depend on their mother so that they can learn to survive without support, she is doing a fabulous job. I hate that she is doing the same thing to Glynn that she did to me. Its almost unimaginable the depth of her selfishness goes. I am surprised and brought to my knees when I see where it goes. Then I see him get bitter about life, not towards his mother, but towards everyone that loves them because we all have the potential to hurt him. Writing this I think am I talking about Glynn or myself?



My soul is in its quiet years right now. Like a bear during hibernation, it slumbers until it will be awakened by spring showers and the hunger and thirst that builds within me...Now.