A Glow!

This is what Kim looks like in love. So I guess I am in love. Should I be asking like that if I really was? There is no doubt about my feelings. I guess it just makes me uncomfortable to say so, more than I ever thought it would. Its funny when things are going wrong, I have endless thoughts to express, but now that things are going good and I am getting what I want, I dont know what to do or say. Sometimes I just look at him, like he is a invader that has landed on planet kim and is trying to cultivate me for survival on his planet. Now that we have been dating for awhile and he considers me his girlfriend, everything that I wanted, I get to see the real Brian. He is not as happy and funny as he seems. He is actually really moody and sometimes can be distant. At those times, I just give him space. Its nice to look at someone and see yourself. There are no more pretenses. We know that we love each other, and we are both in it for the long run. So what do we do now? Everything is established. Life seems like repetition to me. Everything we do, we do over and over again. We wake up, get ready, go to work, and then come home. We eat everyday, drink fluids, and laugh. In a relationship, you see him, eat something most likely together, hang out, and then you go to bed. I feel like I need some surprises and dont want to ruin my relationship at the same time. My mom tells me not to think so much. Its true! So I am embracing this love. It is mine, and nothing can make me not enjoy it. This love is something that no one can take away from me. But then thoughts creep in like, what if its all infatuation? Nothing concrete. Thats ok I guess. I just have to move on when it crumbles. I dont know why my emotions titter totter back in forth like I am on a swing. One second I am like, "I love him," and then the next I am afraid of that love. I doubt our love. What the hell is wrong with me. This is when I wish I was dense. Nothing could get through to me.