Only Believers in Death Will Die

If you give in to this melodic siren-like trance walk through life, then you will never rise to the understanding of what it means to be human, to be alive. Fear can not be found in this realm of being, where you transcend the metaphysical and become more than molecules or anything that has been named by man, but goes beyond man's understanding as a whole. This is a place I imagine often and I wish it was just instinct for me to go there, but its not. I am constantly trying to train my thoughts not to focus on things of this world that are all dying. To rise above the the unspoken words, broken hearts, unending loneliness, and false intentions.

Yes I expect a lot of people, because I hold myself to those same standards. I will not judge you if you fail to rise to this place of truth and pure love, but you will have lost a place in my heart. When I see a flaw, I might attack it, because it's a weakness that bares it's underpinnings to me, asking to be plucked. I wish I could rise above the pettiness. How can I ask someone to be above it all, when I don't even much less have enough hot air to fill my own balloon? What would be ideal is if someone came along that pulled me to that ethereal plain of consciousness. In life there seems to be this whole cycle where each species feeds off of each other. No one can do anything alone. The more I see myself as an island, the more that I separate myself from truth. I may not have the words to articulate this, but the feeling inside me resounds that this is a constant, eternal reality.

People say to me over and over again. You think too much. What does that mean? Seriously I don't know what they mean when they say that. I wish I could just walk around and the only thing that crosses my mind is what kind of hair spray I am going to use. I don't even use hair spray. God gave me this mind. I can not help but use it. Knowledge, contemplation, and awareness of my existence is not a curse to me. It just means that I am painfully more aware of my surroundings in this life, and I will experience more reaction to the actions in my life. I have to take responsibility. I can not just blame others for hurting me. If I laid down like a door mat, what am I to expect but to be walked on. To change is even harder than to accept your plight. I have decided to change. That is my New Year's resolution to myself. It will be hard. It will be depressingly lonely, but I am used to those circumstances. If things had stayed good much longer, I would have created something to shake things up. Which is basically what I did. Deep down I knew something, that may not resonate now, but I have invited truth to dwell in me and guide me. So I have hope. I have faith in tomorrow.