So I am in Detroit and I am trying to find a balance. I am not going into this with any expectations. I am completely open minded and kind of nervous. I have my first 1A possible story. Its election time here in Detroit and they are doign a story about how some local DJs have a lot of influence on how people are going to vote in the upcoming election. Detroit has a young black mayor who seems to have an affinity for nice things and spends city money to these things. I know that he cares about the city, but I also now that Detroit can not afford another uncle tom that just bleeds the city dry so that he can get rich. I think because of his youth he can't see beyond the glitz right now. I know he is tempted to be fabulous. Black people that came from nothing want everything. So I have been working on a portrait series. I tried to keep them simple, because I think portraits work better that way sometimes. Just pay attention to the light. I took the photo of Jesus in a graveyard in San Jose with a Holga.
Its still surreal to think that my home is in Detroit. THis is now my life. I like saying for real that I am a bonified journalist. A DJ I took a photo of today told me that I look like I am from NY. I said I wish. I have never been to NY, but I have heard that most of my life. I am destined to move there. One day. Thats something I really want. Along with a boyfriend. :0)
I had to prove myself the day I got to Detroit. I was in a gas station and I was waiting in line. right before I was about to step up to the counter this woman who had just walked into the store cuts in front of me and hands her stuff to be rung up. I thought to myself, I know she just didn't. I thought I better stand up for myself or I always will get punked. I guess she picked me as a mark or she just didn't care. She was actin like she was on something cause there is no way she coudl have missed that line that was formed. So I said Excuse me I think I was next. She looked at me and said oh, stepped to the side and stared me down the whole time I was at the counter. It felt good to me to stand up for myself and not let fear take over. Detroit is tough.
I really want that Fiona Apple CD but I must wait until I am completely comfortable in money before I order the CD on iTunes. I ordered my first tv show off of iTunes. i got the 1st pilot of lost. I was curious and it was good. i wanted to see the next episode. My brother finally got a job and my Mom is calling me saying she misses me. I don't understand her and I don't think I ever will. My Dad says I should not beg her to spend time with me. When I was home for two weeks she did not have time for me and I was fine with that. I opted to spend time with her my last day there and got my Dad to drop me off at her house. She basically slept all day and I watched tv on the couch. I hate her sometimes for that. Then she has the nevrve to call me to tell me she misses me. I don't understand. If I understood, I mean really understood and not make excuses why she treats me like this I think I would be more happy and not so angry, bitter, cold, resentful. She may not be suffering from addiction, but she still is suffering from the same mentality that got her there in the first place and I am left in agony. I think my Dad feels sorry for me. He sees me as groveling, but its my mother. you are not suppossed to play games with your mother. Its suppossed to be honest, raw no matter what. but I am sure she still plays games. I am just honest and somewhat manipulative only to appease the anger inside. To somehow hurt her like she has hurt me. The hurt I have no control over.
